Why confidence is overrated (and what you need instead)

May 25

Written By Erica Hanlon

My son plays baseball. And there’s one piece of coaching that he complains about…a lot.

“Just be confident!”

Cool. Thanks. If only he would’ve thought of that.

Listen - Confidence is great.

But let’s be honest. If you needed confidence to be successful, most of us would’ve never accomplished anything.

The Lie About Confidence

Confidence feels amazing.
It’s that steady, grounded, “I’ve got this” energy that makes things look easy.

But here’s the problem:
If you only take action when you already feel confident, you’ll only do things you already know how to do.

And that means no growth. No stretch. No new results.

So if you’re feeling stuck, it’s not because you’re broken — it’s because you’ve been waiting for confidence to show up first.

Spoiler: it won’t.

What Confidence Really Is

Confidence isn’t something you get before you start.
It’s something you build by starting…and surviving the awkward middle part.

Think of confidence as the result, not the requirement.

Confidence doesn’t come from certainty of success.

It comes from learning that you can be scared - and still take action.
That you can fail - and learn from it.
That you can feel disappointed - and keep going.

Confidence doesn’t come from success.
It comes from learning that you’re tough as nails.

If you wait until you “feel ready,” you’ll be waiting forever.

Straight from My Journal (You’re Welcome)

Real talk: I’ve built a multiple six-figure business, and my brain still serves up thoughts like:

“I can’t do this.”
“It’s impossible.”
“I’m doing it wrong.”
“Everyone hates me.”
“I suck.”

And every time those thoughts show up, my stomach drops and my brain tries to convince me to go reorganize the pantry instead.

But I’ve learned something: confidence isn’t the absence of those thoughts. It’s knowing how to keep going anyway.

That’s emotional management. That’s self-trust.

How to Take Action When You Don’t Feel Confident

1. Expect self-doubt

Self-doubt isn’t a red flag. It’s a sign you’re expanding.
Your brain is wired to detect risk, not potential.
When you feel doubt, remind yourself: “Nothing’s gone wrong. My brain just doesn’t have evidence yet.”

2. Learn to Feel Uncomfortable (and Do It Anyway)

Confidence doesn’t remove fear. It coexists with it.
Get familiar with that squirmy, vulnerable feeling. It’s proof you’re in the growth zone.

Try this quick reframe:

“This feels terrible… because I’m doing something new.”

3. Separate Facts from Thoughts

Fact: You sent the email.
Thought: “That email was stupid.”
Confidence grows when you learn not to take every thought as truth.

4. Build Self-Confidence, Not Performance Confidence

Performance confidence says: “I know I’ll do this perfectly.”
Self-confidence says: “Even if I fail, I’ll have my own back.”

That’s the kind that lasts.

Success Has Nothing to Do with Confidence

Success happens when you:
✔️ Expect your brain to doubt you.
✔️ Act anyway.
✔️ Evaluate, learn, and keep going.

That’s it.
No magic, no waiting to “feel ready.”

Confidence is nice. But courage is what actually gets you there.

The Truth About Confidence

If you’re doing something you’ve never done before, of course you have zero evidence you can do it.
Of course you’re going to doubt your ability.

You don’t need to feel confident to succeed.
You need to know how to manage self-doubt and take action anyway.

Because confidence doesn’t create success. ACTION creates success.

Stop waiting to “feel ready.”
Start building evidence that you can handle discomfort.

You’ve got this (even if your brain says otherwise).

The Feeling You Need to Succeed

So if action creates success.

You need to tap into a feeling that helps you take action.

And after coaching tons of high achievers and some of the most successful people out there plus studying psychology for yearsssss, here’s what I know.

COURAGE and COMMITMENT drive action - not confidence.

Know your goal.
Know why it matters.
Commit to it.
Prepare for self-doubt.
Be brave.

And do the damn thing and find out what you’re made of.

I think you’ll be surprised what you can do.

Want to Learn How to Manage Self-Doubt Like a Pro?

If you’re tired of letting fear and overthinking hold you back, I can help you build real confidence — the kind that lasts through hard days, big goals, and messy middles.

Book a free coaching consult and learn how to take bold action, even when your brain’s yelling “I can’t.”

Let's connect

Hi! I’m Erica

Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. Dog mom. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. GIF enthusiast.

I’m a licensed mental health therapist and life coach and career coach. I help you accomplish in 6 months that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for years.