What to do when you feel “behind”

Jan 18

"I'm already behind."

If I had a dollar for every time I heard that this week, I could retire early.
And this was… the first week of January.

So let’s talk about it.

Here’s the thing: feeling behind is one of the fastest ways to kill your motivation.
It’s sneaky. It feels productive. But it’s really just self-judgment in a shiny outfit.

Let’s break it down.

Why You Think You’re Behind

You want to measure how well you’re doing. That’s normal.
But the problem isn’t the measurement. It’s the yardstick you’re using.

When there’s a gap between what you’re doing and what you think you should be doing, your brain yells:
“I’m behind.”

Behind compared to who?
Behind compared to what?

There’s no universal scoreboard for life.
No referee blowing a whistle because you didn’t hit your five-year plan by Thursday.

You made up the rules.
You made up the timeline.
And now you’re using them to make yourself feel bad.

Why “Behind” Is Total Nonsense (and Secretly Burning You Out)

Let’s be real.
“Behind” isn’t just made-up. It’s toxic.
It drains your confidence, kills your energy, and keeps you stuck in the exact same spot.

Here’s why that thought has to go:

It makes you feel like trash. And nothing good ever grows from that feeling.
It’s punishment disguised as motivation.
It throws you into hustle-panic mode or makes you want to quit completely.
It’s your brain replaying its favorite hit: “I’m not good enough.”
It keeps you obsessed with the future instead of learning from where you are now.

The truth? “Behind” isn’t a fact. It’s a feeling.
And that feeling usually means you’ve fallen into comparison mode again.

When you tell yourself you’re behind, what you’re really saying is, “Someone else is doing it faster, better, smarter, or with better hair.”
And you’ve decided that means you’re failing.

But you’re not failing. You’re just forgetting your own pace.

You Can’t Be Behind on Your Own Timeline

Here’s what I tell my clients:
You can’t be behind on your own life.

You can’t be late to a journey that’s unfolding exactly on schedule.
(Yes, even if it feels like you’re moving at the speed of a sloth in quicksand.)

Every step you’re taking right now (even the messy ones) are part of it.
Every “failure” is a data point.
Every delay is feedback.

You’re not behind. You’re learning.

How to Know If You’re on the Right Track

People always ask, “Okay, but how do I know if I’m doing enough?”

Here’s how: YOU decide.

Fall flat on your face? You’re learning.
Nail it? You’re learning.
Feel lost, confused, or overwhelmed? Still learning.

That’s what progress looks like.

Some of my clients measure success by how much fun they’re having.
Others measure it by how much imperfect action they’re taking.
Some count how many times they fail (and then celebrate the lessons).

And those are the clients who end up crushing it.

Because they stop obsessing over “where they should be” and start paying attention to what’s actually working.

The Real Metric That Matters

Forget the checklist. Forget the timeline.
Here’s the only question that matters:

Are you being kind to yourself while you grow?

Because growth doesn’t come from shame. It comes from curiosity, consistency, and compassion.

When you replace “I’m behind” with “I’m learning,” you create space for new ideas, better decisions, and actual joy.

And that’s when momentum shows up.

So… What Would Happen If You Stopped Believing You’re Behind?

Imagine what you could do if that thought didn’t exist.

No more rushing.
No more guilt.
Just forward motion. On your terms.

Because the second you stop believing you’re behind… you’re already ahead.

Are you ready to do the impossible?

Hi! I’m Erica

Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. Dog mom. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. GIF enthusiast.

I’m a licensed mental health therapist and life coach and career coach. I help you accomplish in 6 months that thing you’ve been thinking about doing for years.