Career Gaslighting: Signs you’re convincing yourself to love a job that drains you

Ever caught yourself thinking, “I should be grateful. Other people would kill for this job”… while secretly dreading Monday like it’s a root canal? 

That’s not gratitude. That’s career gaslighting.

Career gaslighting is what happens when you convince yourself the problem isn’t your job, it’s you. 

You tell yourself you’re being dramatic, ungrateful, lazy, or not disciplined enough. Meanwhile, your body and soul are like, “THIS IS BAD.”  

I’ve seen it over and over with my clients (and I’ve been there myself). 

On paper, the job looks great. Good pay, solid title, maybe even a boss who isn’t terrible. 

But inside? You feel like you’re slowly dying.

So let’s have us an honest talk about career gaslighting- What it is, the signs you’re doing it, and how to finally stop blaming yourself for not loving a job that doesn’t fit.

What Is Career Gaslighting?

If you’ve ever told yourself, “I should be grateful. This job is fine. The problem is me,” you’ve experienced career gaslighting.

In plain English, career gaslighting is when you downplay your own misery at work and convince yourself you’re the problem. 

Instead of admitting your job is a giant suckfest, you slap on a fake smile and tell yourself you just need to “try harder” or “be more positive.”

It’s the workplace version of saying: “No no, everything’s fine!” while the kitchen’s on fire and you’re quietly Googling “how to build a new identity in another country.”

Here’s what career gaslighting usually sounds like in your head:

• “The pay is good. I’d be stupid to leave.”

• “Everyone hates Mondays. This is just what work feels like.”

• “If I were more productive, I wouldn’t feel so stressed.”

• “Other people would kill for this job. I’m being ungrateful.”

• “Once I get promoted/get to next week/finish the year, it’ll all feel better.”

See the pattern? 

Career gaslighting is all about twisting your reality so you stay stuck in a job that looks good on paper but feels soul-sucking in real life. 

You keep insisting you should be happy. 

Meanwhile - back in reality - you’re checked out, resentful, and fantasizing about quitting mid-meeting to open a candle shop in the woods.

Signs you’re gaslighting yourself at work

When most people hear the word “gaslighting,” they think of TikTok videos about narcissists telling you your reality isn’t real. 

You know. The whole - “That didn’t happen. You’re imagining things.” 

And yep, that’s gaslighting. 

But here’s the twist: you don’t need a narcissistic parent or spouse to do it to you. You can gaslight yourself.

Career gaslighting is when you run the same playbook on yourself. 

You minimize, dismiss, or straight-up ignore the fact that your job is draining you. 

Instead of admitting you’re miserable, you talk yourself into believing the problem is your attitude, your work ethic, or your lack of a gratitude journal.

Here’s how to know you’re doing it:

• You minimize your dread. You tell yourself, “Everyone hates Mondays. This is just what work feels like.”

• You reframe exhaustion as a personal failing. Instead of calling it burnout, you think, “If I got more done, I wouldn’t be so tired.”

• You keep moving the goalpost. “Once this project is over… once I get promoted… once things calm down…” (Spoiler: they never do.)

• You ignore your envy. You see someone thriving in a totally different career and think, “Wow, that looks amazing,” then immediately dismiss it as unrealistic.

• You ignore your gut. On paper, the job looks fine. But inside, you’re checked out. Instead of naming it, you tell yourself you “should” be happy.

Sound familiar? 

That’s not you being “too sensitive” or “ungrateful.” That’s you gaslighting yourself into staying stuck.

When your job looks good on paper (but feels miserable inside)

One of the biggest reasons high achievers gaslight themselves? The job looks amazing on paper.

You’ve got the title.
The paycheck.
Maybe even an office with a view.

Friends and family keep saying, “You’re so lucky!” and you smile and nod while secretly wondering if they’d notice if you crawled under your desk and never came back.

It’s like wearing a super-cute outfit that’s secretly cutting off your circulation. Everyone’s like, “OMG, I LOVE YOUR OUTFIT! WHERE’D YOU GET IT?” and you’re like, “Thanks!” while losing feeling in your left leg.

Or (true confession), the time I tried to be a golddigger and date a guy for his money. Don’t judge me, I was working 2 jobs and was verrrrrrry broke.

On paper, he was perfect: successful, stable, checked all the “right” boxes.
But I had zero attraction to him. And by Date #3 I was like, “Nope. Even a ski condo can’t fix this.”

That’s what career gaslighting feels like. 

You keep insisting, “But I KNOW it’s good!” while your gut is screaming, “This isn’t it.”

Why high achievers gaslight themselves in their careers

So why do smart, capable, high-achieving people fall into career gaslighting?
Why is it so easy to convince ourselves the problem is us, not the job?

Because we’re Olympic-level pros at three things: overthinking, overfunctioning, and faking fine.

Here’s the recipe:

• Perfectionism. You hold yourself to ridiculous standards. If you’re unhappy at work, you assume it must be because you’re not working hard enough, not because the job isn’t a fit.

• People-pleasing. You don’t want to let down your boss, your parents, or the entire LinkedIn peanut gallery. So you slap on a smile and say, “It’s fine! Totally fine!” while quietly dying inside.

• The gratitude guilt trip. On paper, you’ve got the paycheck, the title, the ability to wear yoga pants everyday.  So when you feel like, “I hate this,” your brain claps back with, “Stop being ungrateful. Other people would kill for this job.” (And now you feel even worse)

• Burnout. Here’s the kicker: when you’re in a job that’s a bad fit, it drains you. Easy tasks feel impossible, starting anything takes a ridiculous amount of energy, and pushing yourself through the motions day after day will burn you out quicker than you can write “Be thankful” in your journal.

And what do high achievers do when we feel off? 

We double down. 

We push ourselves to work harder, feel grateful, and make it to the weekend while secretly fantasizing about quitting mid-meeting to start a candle shop in the woods.

How to stop career gaslighting yourself

So how do you quit telling yourself, “It’s fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine,” when it’s very much not fine?

The same way I gave up my dream of being a golddigger. (If you skimmed past that story earlier and you’re like, wtf, quick recap: I tried to date a guy for his money and couldn’t even make it past Date #3. The End.)

Here’s the truth: you deserve to actually like your job.
Not tolerate it. Not fake-gratitude your way through it. 

Actually like it.

Here’s how to stop career gaslighting yourself and start getting honest:

• Catch it. When you hear yourself say, “I should be grateful,” that’s not gratitude, that’s career gaslighting. Call it out before it digs in.

• Believe your Sunday Scaries. If you feel like you’re dying inside every Sunday night, that’s not “normal.” That’s your body waving a giant red flag. Listen.

• Track your energy, not just your output. High achievers love a to-do list, but the real data is: what fills you up vs. what drains you? That’s the career breadcrumb trail.

• Stop shaming your escape plans. Fantasies about quitting mid-meeting or running a goat farm in the woods? Not silly. Those are clues. Write them down instead of shoving them away.

• Phone a no-bullsh*t friend. Not the one who says, “You’re so lucky, I wish I had your job!” Find the person who says, “You deserve to be happy” and validates what you already know.

Here’s the bottom line: career gaslighting won’t make you love your job. 

You’ll still hate it. And now you’ll also hate yourself for hating it.

So no - You don’t need more discipline or positivity. 

You need to get real about whether it’s burnout, misalignment, or both…and then decide what you want to do about it.

Also - This is my thing. Have I mentioned that? No? Cause it is.

And it starts with a no-pressure conversation.

👉 Book a free consult and let’s get you unstuck, un-gaslit, and moving toward a career (and a life) that feels like it actually fits.

FAQs About Career Gaslighting

Q: What does career gaslighting mean?
A: Career gaslighting is when you convince yourself the problem isn’t your job, it’s you. You tell yourself you should be grateful, you’re just being dramatic, or if you worked harder you’d love it -  even while your gut says otherwise.

Q: How do I know if I’m career gaslighting myself?
A: Classic signs include dreading work but calling it “normal,” reframing exhaustion as a personal flaw, ignoring your envy of other careers, and telling yourself you “should” be happy because the job looks good on paper.

Q: Why do high achievers career gaslight themselves?
A: Because the job looks successful on the outside. Add perfectionism, people-pleasing, burnout, or ADHD brain soup, and it’s easy to blame yourself instead of admitting the job doesn’t fit.

Q: What should I do if I think I’m stuck in career gaslighting?
A: First, name it. Catch yourself when you’re dismissing your reality. Then track your energy (what drains you vs. what fuels you), take your “escape fantasies” seriously, and talk it out with someone objective who won’t tell you, “But you’re so lucky!”

Keep reading: Other posts you might like

• Burned out or in the wrong job? How to tell the difference (and what to do about it)

• Quiet Cracking: The silent burnout trend high achievers need to know about

• 8 Signs of Burnout You Shouldn’t Ignore

• Should I stay or go? How to make the career decision keeping you up at night

• Why am I so exhausted all the time? 5 sneaky reasons

Was this helpful? You’ll probably also like…

Hi! I’m Erica

Licensed psychotherapist. Corporate dropout. Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. ADHDer. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. Swear words enthusiast.

I know exactly what it’s like to have a life that looks successful on the outside but feel chronically exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost on the inside.

I help underachieving high-achievers create lives and careers they love, without burning out.

What people are saying…

Let’s be friends! Follow me on Instagram