Why being the best at your job isn’t enough to get ahead

Summary
Working hard and delivering excellent results will get you far in your career. But at a certain point, competence stops being the differentiator and influence becomes real currency. This post breaks down why high achievers get stuck even when they’re doing everything “right,” why the standard career advice doesn’t work for them, and what to actually do about it.

Key Points

• At senior levels, everyone around you is competent. Being excellent at your job is the entry ticket, not the thing that sets you apart.

• The people getting ahead aren't always the hardest workers or the most qualified. They're the most influential.

• High achievers know what they're supposed to do (network, self-promote, speak up) but can't make themselves do it consistently, and there's a psychological reason why.

• Influence isn't just a strategy skill. It's a psychological one. It requires self-awareness, presence, and understanding how you're actually landing in a room.

• The behaviors that made you successful earlier in your career (waiting until you're certain, letting your work speak for itself, staying humble) can quietly work against you at senior levels.

• Building influence is learnable, but it requires different work than anything you've been told to do so far.

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I have a confession. 

I’m super competitive. Like, unhealthily so. 

I almost died the first time I used our Peloton because I went a little nuts with the leaderboard. I was all - “I’m coming for you GeorgiaMom1238!” And then I almost died. 

Being competitive has worked for me in a lot of ways. 

I like to win.

But I also know what it’s like to feel like you SHOULD be winning and then watch other people (namely - less qualified, capable people) walk away with trophy. 

WTF. 

Let’s talk about it, shall we?

They lied to us about success

My son plays competitive baseball. And I’ve watched something from the bleachers that makes me want to run into the dugout and be “that mom.” Or at least, send a nasty message on Band because decorum. 

The kid who works the hardest, has great stats, shows up early to every practice, and gives everything he has…still doesn’t get the starting spot. 

Because some other kid’s dad is the assistant coach. 

It turns out, the working world isn’t that different. 

We were all handed the same formula growing up:
Work hard! Be the best! Deliver results! Get rewarded! 

Our parents said it. Our teachers and coaches said it. And it was probably on a motivational cat poster in the school counselor’s office. 

And sure it works. Sort of. 

Except the kids watching from the bench already knew something we didn’t. Hard work might get you on the team. But it doesn’t decide who plays. 

Why hard work stops getting you ahead

Here's what nobody wants to say out loud.

The people getting promoted, getting the visibility, shaping the decisions? They're not always the hardest workers. They're not always the most competent ones either.

Sometimes the person who got the job you wanted works half as hard as you do. Has half your results. And somehow, inexplicably, keeps winning.

It's the GeorgiaMom1238 of your office. Barely pedaling. Somehow ahead of you on the leaderboard.

And before you spiral into a full existential crisis about whether any of this is fair (it's not, by the way), it's worth understanding what's actually happening.

Because it's not random. And it's not purely politics either, although that's part of it.

The people moving up are the ones who figured out, consciously or not, that there's a whole other game being played on top of the hard work game. One that has nothing to do with how many hours you log or how good your results are.

It's about influence.

And most high achievers have never been taught how it works. Because nobody put THAT on a motivational cat poster.

Why the standard career advice doesn’t work for you

So naturally, when the “What do they have that I don’t?” starts to spiral into scrolling jobs on Indeed, or worse - wondering “What’s wrong with me?!”, you do what any reasonable high achiever does.

You Google it.

And the internet has a lot of thoughts! Fast Company, Psychology Today, LinkedIn articles from people with very impressive headshots. They've all written versions of this post.

And they basically all say the SAME thing:

• Get more visible

• Network more

• Self-promote

• Find a mentor

• Build your personal brand

• Speak up in meetings

• Make sure the right people know your name.

Great advice. Super helpful. Very actionable.

Except.

If you're a high achiever who has been quietly delivering excellent work for years and somehow can't make yourself do any of those things consistently, the advice isn't the problem. 

Something else is going on.

• Why does self-promotion feel so uncomfortable it makes your skin crawl? 

• Why do you know you should speak up in that meeting and still wait until the moment has passed? 

• Why does networking feel fake and exhausting even when you know it matters?

None of those articles go there.

They describe what to do. They don't touch why it's so hard for smart, accomplished people to actually do it.

That's the part worth talking about.

Why high achievers struggle to get ahead (even when they know what to do)

You know what you’re supposed to do. Network more, self-promote, speak up, get visible, blah blah blah ad nauseum. 

So why aren’t you doing it? 

• You want to be seen, but not visible. Being valued and recognized feels great! But "Hey look at me!"? Accepting compliments without downplaying them? That feels braggy and tacky. It's way easier to hope your work speaks for itself. (Spoiler: it won't.)

• You want to build relationships but honestly, you don’t really care what Joe did over the weekend. Small talk feels like death but you love doing the work. Can’t you just get shit done? Why would you lean on relationships instead of results? Why does it have to feel like brown-nosing fakeness? You like to keep it real.

• You want to speak up but you also don't want to say something stupid. You want  to put together the exact right words that will have them all saying, “Yes! You’re a genius!”  And by the time you're sure, Jake from down the hall has already said the thing and is getting all the credit. Love that for her.

• You want to show up with confidence but confidence feels like arrogance. There's a very thin line between "owning the room" and "being that person." And you've worked way too hard and been way too self-aware to become that person. So you dial it back. Stay humble. And then watch that person get promoted anyway.

• You want to be seen as leadership material but you're still waiting for permission. You know you’d make a great leader but you don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. But it sure would be great if someone could just tap you on the shoulder and say "you're up." Pssst - that tap is probably not coming.

What influence is (and why it’s the missing piece to success)

I want to tell you about a client of mine.

She'd been passed over for a promotion THREE YEARS IN A ROW (wut?). Her work was excellent. Reliable, thorough, consistent.

So she asked her boss about the promotion directly.

Her boss's response? "I'm shocked you'd even ask."

Ouch.

Something about how she was showing up was communicating something entirely different than what she intended. That's an influence problem. And you can't solve it by working harder or delivering more results.

I'm a licensed therapist who also spent 11 years in Corporate America. So I'm not just looking at the tactical stuff. I'm looking at what's happening underneath it.

Influence isn't just a strategy skill. It's a psychological one. 

• The person who says one sentence in a meeting and shifts the entire direction of the conversation

• The leader who never has to ask for credit because everyone already knows whose idea it was

• The executive who walks into a room and something just changes

It's about self-awareness, reading a room, and understanding that the way you learned to survive earlier in your career might be the exact thing working against you now.

That's not something you can fix with a networking strategy.

It requires a different kind of work entirely.

How to build influence without being a weirdo

Good news, you don’t have to turn into a politician or completely change your personality to build influence at work. 

Here’s where to start: 

Notice how you're landing, not just what you're saying. After your next big meeting, don't just ask yourself "did I say the right things?" Ask yourself how you came across. Did you over-explain? Go quiet when you should have pushed? Rush to fill silence? Most high achievers obsess over content or the weird face Susan made and completely ignore impact.

Speak sooner, not better. You don't need the perfect words. You need to stop ceding the frame to Jake while you're still crafting your flawless response. Say something early. Even just, "I want to think about this more but my initial reaction is..." That's influence. Waiting until you're certain is not.

Let compliments land. Next time someone praises your work, just say thank you. Not "oh it was really a team effort" or "honestly I almost didn't finish it in time." Just thank you. Full stop. This is harder than it sounds and also more powerful than almost anything else on this list.

Get strategic about visibility. Your work does not speak for itself. Pick one project you're proud of and make sure the right people know about it. Not in a braggy way. Just intentionally. Tell the people who need to know. An easy step? Start meetings with your supervisor by saying, “I want to update you on what I accomplished since we last met…”

Stop trying to prove yourself. The over-explaining, the excessive context-setting, the seventeen caveats before you make a point? In a room where people already respect you, that's not thoroughness. It's overkill. People’s eyes are glazing over. It’s making you look insecure. Just say the damn thing.

What to do when hard work stops getting you ahead

If you've made it this far, you probably recognized yourself somewhere in this post.

Maybe it was the Jake-Stole-My-Line moment. Maybe it was the three years of passed-over promotions. Maybe it was the quiet realization that you've been playing by rules that stopped working a while ago.

Here's what I want you to know: this isn't a you problem. 

The fact that you're excellent at your job and still feel stuck doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means nobody ever taught you the next part.

That's what coaching with me is about. Not just the surface stuff. The actual work underneath.

If you're a high achiever who's ready to stop waiting for permission and start building the kind of influence that actually moves the needle, I'd love to hear from you.

You can learn more and apply to work with me here.

Read This Next 

• If you’re wanting to show up more powerfully at work - Executive presence - explained. What it actually is (and how to get it) 

• If you want a better work reputation - How to be seen as a leader at work

• If you’ve ever wondered “Is it me… or my brain?” - Adult ADHD and High Achievers: Why Work Feels Harder Than It Should

• If you have a hard time performing under pressure - What athletes know about pressure that most leaders don’t

Frequently Asked Questions about getting ahead at work

Q: Why do high achievers struggle to get promoted? A: Because the skills that drive early career success stop being differentiators at senior levels. Everyone around you is competent. What drives advancement is influence, and most high achievers have never been taught how it works.

Q: What is the difference between competence and influence at work? A: Competence is your ability to do the job well. Influence is your ability to move people and shape outcomes. At senior levels, competence gets you in the room. Influence determines what happens once you're there.

Q: Why does self-promotion feel so uncomfortable? A: Because most high achievers built their identity around letting their work speak for itself. Promoting yourself feels braggy or like you're compensating for not being good enough. The discomfort is usually rooted in deeply held beliefs formed early in your career.

Q: How do I build influence at work without being fake or political? A: Start small. Speak up earlier in meetings, let compliments land without deflecting, and make sure the right people know about your work intentionally. The deeper work is understanding why these things feel harder than they should.

Q: Why do less qualified people keep getting promoted over me? A: Because promotions at senior levels aren't purely merit-based. Visibility, relationships, and perceived leadership potential all factor in. It's frustrating. It's also fixable.

Q: What does an executive coach actually do? A: Helps you identify the patterns and beliefs keeping you stuck and develop the skills to move forward. It sits at the intersection of psychology and performance, not just strategy, not just therapy.

Q: How do I know if I need an executive coach? A: If you're high-performing and still feel stuck, keep getting feedback you don't know how to act on, or feel like you're playing by rules that stopped working, coaching is probably worth exploring.

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Hi! I’m Erica

Licensed psychotherapist. Corporate dropout. Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. ADHDer. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. Swear words enthusiast.

I know exactly what it’s like to have a life that looks successful on the outside but feel chronically exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost on the inside.

I help underachieving high-achievers create lives and careers they love, without burning out.

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