How to survive a job you hate

Summary

Hating your job is miserable. But before you rage-quit into the void, it's worth figuring out what's actually going on. Sometimes the job is genuinely terrible. Sometimes the patterns follow you everywhere. This post breaks down how to tell the difference, how to survive in the meantime, and how to figure out what you actually want next.

Key Points

• Your feelings about your job come from your thoughts about it, not the job itself. Which is annoying but also means you have more control than you think.

• If you've been burned out, resentful, and overworked in every job you've had, the common denominator might be worth looking at.

• You don't have to fake positivity to feel better at work. You just need thoughts that are slightly less terrible than your current ones.

• Quitting without a plan often leads to landing somewhere worse. Use the time you have to figure out what you actually want next.

• Surviving a job you hate is a short term strategy. Designing something better is the actual goal.

I used to cry in the bathroom at work.

I’d tell everyone I had to use the restroom and then I’d go sit on the closed toilet seat and cry my eyes out.

Then I’d clean my face, paste a smile on my face, and go back to work.

I get it. You hate your job. You hate your coworkers. You fantasize about running away and joining the circus. But maybe the circus isn’t hiring right now. Maybe you can’t quit because you don’t have a backup plan. Maybe you’re worried that a new job will be even worse.

Here’s a post I wrote about how to know if you’re in the wrong job. But whether you decide to stay or go, here are some tips to help you get out of bed Monday morning.

What to Do When You Hate Your Job (But Can’t Quit Yet)

So you hate your job. You hate how Susan chews too loudly on the other side of the cubicle wall. You hate how you’re always having to redo Bob’s work. You hate that while Janet is your superior and makes twice your salary, you actually know more than she does. And you hate how every time you have to meet with your supervisor, he makes you feel like ass.

You could probably catalog your grievances. And it can be fun to think about how shitty everyone is at work.

But it’s time to own your thoughts and feelings about what’s going on. Susan’s chewing isn’t maliciously directed at you.

Because once you take responsibility for your part in things, then it’s so much easier to figure out whether or not there’s a chance to change things at work or if you are legit in a bad environment (here are 5 signs that you’re in a toxic workplace) or if some of the problem is…well…you.

Is It the Job or Is It You? How to Tell the Difference

Say what?

Remember in Office Space when Jennifer Aniston’s boss wants her to wear all the flair? She’s not into it. Her supervisor is. And that other guy, the super perky one, is really into it too. It’s all the same job. It’s the same required pieces of flair. They all had their own thoughts about it.

Your job is just your job. Your coworkers are just your coworkers. And yous supervisor is just your supervisor. They’re all just circumstances in your life.

The way you feel about your job straight up comes from your thoughts.

That’s why when you first met Susan you thought, “She’s so nice!” When you started the job you maybe thought, “They have free sugar packets in the break room! This is going to be great!” [Then again, maybe you hated everyone and everything from go]

And here’s the biggest clue: If you find yourself in the same situation in every job - overworked, burnt out, resentful, and frustrated - it’s probably not the job. It’s you.

(FYI - If this sounds like you, this might be the real issue for you).

How to Shift Your Mindset About Work (Without Toxic Positivity)

I used to work in a job where I thought I did too much work. I thought I was carrying my team and they didn’t pull their weight. So I resented them and secretly thought shitty thoughts about them.

Then I changed jobs.

After a few months in the new job I realized I thought I was doing more than my fair share of the work. My teammates weren’t pulling their weight. I felt like I had to do my job AND their jobs.

And then KA-BLAMMO! Awareness lightning strike!

I was perpetuating the same story in all my jobs.

Maybe it wasn’t a fact that I did “too much.” Maybe it was me. Maybe I was creating that reality and my frustration with my thinking and my actions.

In which case, changing jobs was never going to solve the problem. Because (cringe) - the problem was my thinking.

If You’re Overwhelmed at Work, Start Here

You’re probably going to resist this. That’s cool. I get it. After all, Susan’s chewing is objectively REALLY loud.

But this is actually good news.

Because while you can’t change Susan or Janet or Bob. You can change your feelings by changing your thoughts. But it starts with awareness.

Take a moment and list your thoughts about your job. Ask yourself:

• What do I think about my career path?

• What do I think about my coworkers?

• What do I think about my supervisor?

• What do I think about this job?

Write it all down. Then ask yourself:

• Are these thoughts true?

• How do these thoughts make me feel?

• Who would I be without these thoughts?

How to Stop Hating Your Job So Much (Even If It’s the Worst)

So if you think that your feelings about your job come from your thoughts, you can start to choose new ones.

And no, I’m not going to tell you to think loving, happy, ra-ra thoughts about your work. That’s not how this works.

You have to choose thoughts YOU CAN BELIEVE. And yes, I’M GOING TO YELL THIS PART FOR EMPHASIS. THIS IS LOVING YELLING.

If you don’t believe the thoughts, then they’re worthless.

Choose something that’s slightly less negative or more neutral than what you currently think. For example:

• Instead of “I can’t believe Bob screwed up his TPS reports AGAIN,” you can think, “Bob must hate these TPS reports as much as I do.”

• Instead of thinking, “Janet is a mornon,” you can think, “Janet is doing the best she can.”

• Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t have to work this much,” you can think, “I can say ‘no’ if I’m overwhelmed.”

How to Figure Out What You Really Want in Your Career

Listen, I don’t believe in “dream jobs.” I don’t think that’s a thing.

All jobs have pros and cons. (Just like how even the dreamiest significant others sometimes leave their socks around the house or leave the toilet seat up so you fall in in the middle of the night).

But there’s nothing wrong with wanting something different from what you currently have. As long as, and especially if, you realize that your job is not responsible for your happiness.

Take this time to figure out what matters to you. Ask yourself:

• What are my non-negotiables in the next job?

• How do I want to add value?

• What am I passionate about?

• What kind of activities make me lose track of time?

Why You Shouldn’t Quit Without a Plan (and What to Do Instead)

Let’s be honest, there’s nothing worse than quitting a job you hate to only land in another job that’s even worse. And I’ve definitely known people who’ve been in that situation.

It’s important to envision your future so you don’t fall into this trap.

Because if you’re just running away from something you don’t like, then you’re losing out on the opportunity to design a better future.

Use your current experiences to help inform what you do next.

That way you can find the job that fills your cup. So you can be as happy as Brian with his 37 pieces of flair.

Feeling Trapped in Your Job? These Posts Will Help You Move Forward

Hating your job doesn’t mean you’re lazy or ungrateful. But staying stuck does slowly chip away at your confidence, energy, and sense of self.

If you’re not sure what to do next—but you know it’s not this—start here:

👉 Start here:
✔️ I Don’t Know What I Want, But It’s Not This
✔️ Signs You Need a New Job…Like Now
✔️5 Signs You’re Ready to Take a Bold Leap in Your Career
✔️ Why I Left My Corporate Job and Started My Own Business

What to Do When You Feel Lost in Your Career (But Know You’re Meant for More)

I've been the person crying in the bathroom at work. I know what it's like to hate where you are and feel like you've got no good options.

Here's what I also know: most high achievers who stay stuck in a job they hate aren't stuck because they can't leave. They're stuck because they're repeating the same patterns that made the last job hard too. A new company won't fix that. Only you can.

That's the work I do with clients. We look honestly at what's actually driving the misery (the job, the patterns, or both), figure out whether leaving is really the answer, and make sure you don't pack the same frustrations into your next role.

If you're done surviving the week and ready to do something about it, here's how we can work together.

How Do I Survive a Job I Hate Without Losing My Mind? (FAQs Answered)

Q: How do I know if it’s the job or if it’s me?
A: If you’ve had multiple jobs where you end up burned out, resentful, or overworked, it’s worth asking what patterns might be repeating. Sometimes the job is the problem. Sometimes it’s the way you’re showing up in it. (Good news: if it’s you, you can actually change that.)

Q: What should I do if I hate my job but can’t quit yet?
A: Start by managing your mindset. You don’t have to love your job…but choosing slightly less terrible thoughts can help you feel more in control while you figure out your next move.

Q: Can changing my thoughts really change how I feel about work?
A: 100%. You don’t need to fake positivity. You just need to choose thoughts you can believe that are a little less toxic. That one shift can completely change how you experience your job day to day.

Q: What are some signs that it’s time to leave my job?
A: If you constantly fantasize about quitting, dread Monday mornings, or find yourself crying in the bathroom (been there), those are big clues. Check out this post or this one for a deeper dive into the signs that you need to leave your job.

Q: How can career coaching help me figure out what I really want next?
A: A good coach helps you get clear on what you want, untangle your stuck thoughts, and create a plan that actually feels doable. You don’t need to figure this all out alone.

You may also want to read…

Hi! I’m Erica

Licensed psychotherapist. Corporate dropout. Wife to Brendan. Mom to twins + one. ADHDer. Slow runner. Coffee drinker. Swear words enthusiast.

I know exactly what it’s like to have a life that looks successful on the outside but feel chronically exhausted, frustrated, and completely lost on the inside.

I help underachieving high-achievers create lives and careers they love, without burning out.

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